You know, the book’s about not giving a F$%k are right. Mark Manson and Sarah Knight were onto something when they wrote about how your life would change when you stopped caring so. Damn. Much.
Mine certainly has.
I think back now to all the hours and days I wasted dwelling. Dwelling on my reactions. Dwelling on something I may have said. Dwelling on a message I had received and what it all meant. And dwelling on my own self worth which I placed in the hands of others.
One day I just woke up and decided to stopped giving a shit about the past and all the things that used to keep me up at night. And my life is now a whole lot brighter, and a whole lot easier.
But many people carry the mentality that not giving a shit makes you selfish, or appears as if you don’t care about anyone or anything.
I care a lot. But only about the things that matter. And only about the things I can change.
It wasn’t as if I just snapped my fingers one day and everything changed. It was a work in progress, and I had a lot of learning and growing to do to make it happen.
Here's what I did:
I learned to let go of my controllables
Unfortunately, we all cannot control every single factor of our lives. It’s impossible. So instead of worrying about what I couldn’t control (the traffic, the weather, other people), I channelled my energy into what I could control instead (ME)! When you stop planning for all of the things that are out of your hands, life becomes 10 times easier.
I stopped letting the behaviour of others get to me – instead of finding it frustrating, I found it fascinating
I credit what I know now to spending years watching people (and not in a creepy way!). I would take notice of others’ demeanour, the way they spoke, if they were reactive, their body language and facial expressions, and what they were saying when they weren’t actually speaking. While it’s easy to feel annoyed or frustrated when you are not heard, or are spoken to rudely, I challenged myself to think and reflect on the “why” and the beliefs or patterns behind the person.
I didn’t fixate on the outcomes of other people
Like learning to control my controllables, I cannot control how someone will respond, react, or behave to something I have said or done. Sometimes the best of intentions falls on deaf ears, and instead you’re left feeling as if you are the “bad guy”, or wondering what exactly went wrong. People only hear or see what they want to; and it’s always from the perspective of the way in which they already view the world. If you say something which is well intentioned, and it doesn’t go down too well – don’t dwell on it, you cannot control the outcomes of someone else.
I learned to be comfortable in my own skin
We have to live with ourselves for the rest of our lives, so we have to love ourselves! This was something I grappled with for many years, but when I finally put the work into ME – my health and my mindset; my life changed. I became confident in who I was and why I was here, and I learnt to love the things about me which I thought were either “too much” or “not enough”. Instead of trying to change me, I embraced me!
I put my time into what WAS important
I choose every day to do the work that matters to me, and to spend time with the people I love. I prioritise what’s most important to me above anything else, and in doing so, I don’t have to worry about saying “No” to someone or something; if it doesn’t align, or doesn’t fit my list of priorities, I just don’t do it. Simple.
I reflect and learn from my experiences
Instead of feeling wound up or worried about what might have been, I instead ask myself “How could I handle that better?”, “Where was my response or reaction coming from?”, and “What can I learn from this?” By channelling my energy into finding a lesson instead of feeling frustration, I stop focussing on what has already been, and instead put myself into a future-focussed mindset.
So, how has my life changed as a result?
· I no longer care about what people think of me.
· I don’t feel the need to contribute to the “highlight” reel or, fit in with what other people are doing.
· I’ve stopped wasting time on the people or things that don’t matter to me.
· I don’t people please.
· I no longer worry about that rude person I saw down the street.
· I don’t think I’m the “bad guy” if my words are misconstrued.
· I live for the moment (and the future), and not for the past.
How would your life change if you stopped giving a S&^t about everything, and everyone else?
Want to find out? Book a coaching session with me and we can get started!